I woke up one day and decided that I am tired of my body.
I am tired of all this…excess.
So I went to see my doctor after about a year plus of absence and told her to go ahead, sign me up for bariatric surgery. She pretty much whooped and told me that she had been waiting for me to say yes FOR YEARS.
The deal was: I am to lose some 10-15% of current body weight (of at least 400 tonnes) and go see a psychologist to help me get in touch into my Inner Feelings. (OK I made that part up but I was asked to lose weight and see a psychologist).
According to the DASS assessment – I score “Extremely Severe” in Depression and “Severe” in Anxious but only Mild – Moderate in Stress. Oh wow, that’s a shocker. I didn’t feel I was depressed at all – cranky, yes but not depressed. I would’ve thought I’d top the scale in Stress instead and I wasn’t feeling entirely anxious or depressed.
I mean, sure, my life wasn’t that great – but I’ve no major complains. I am able to care for my mom, I’ve got good colleagues, I enjoy my work (or what’s left of it) and I’ve got great friends who are always around to rally support should I need them. I have no social nor love life to speak off, but what’s that comparing to a roof on your head, good food on your plate and a smart phone, hmm?
So plan B was to sort my shit about the 10-15% weight loss. It was (and still is) a steep mountain to overcome.
A fucking battle.
At 40, I do not have the flexibility, dexterity and most importantly, stamina to do it, to be honest.
All I have is my semangat. And using semangat to move these lumps of wiggly blobs takes a bit of an uphill climb.
So I signed up with Aqualogix and JK1M and began to look for healthy lunch/meal options.
Aqualogix is GREAT. I love the fact that it allows fatties like me do other normal-people-things like squats, lunges and twirl gaily about in the pool without hurting your joints. JK1M is great too – I now have a bunch of friends who are also on a same mission who will drag and coax me to almost daily workout sessions; even outside the official workout days.
It’s a slow, slow progress. I’m nowhere near my 10-15% short term weight loss goal. And I still succumb to the occasional temptations like my mom’s nasi goreng.
But I want to prove that dastardly doctor that I can live past 45.